I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
