You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
