We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
