Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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