he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize