Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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