Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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