you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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