i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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