apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
