Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Even my vagina gasped.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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