Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
