someone get that fucking seahorse.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
