I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
