when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
