I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
