a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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