someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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