We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
