he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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