last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
