we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
