i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
