Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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