I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
