there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
