My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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