I feel like abortions should bother me more
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
