I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
