My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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