its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want her autograph on my taint
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
