how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
