If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Blood and glitter go together right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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