Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
