I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
