People with herpes should wear stickers.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
