Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
