ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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