I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
