Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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