If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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