for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
