Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
