The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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