I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
