I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
