omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
