Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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