Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
