this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
