i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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