saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
